This Is Why, I Kept It To Myself

They asked me why I kept it to myself? and I had nothing to say,
All I could feel was my soul turning slowly grey,
It felt like my heart stopped pumping but my body could still weigh, all those emotions that felt like a massive explosion.
All I wanted to do was to run away, from all those whispers that kept following my way, reminding me of my situation and that miserable day.
I tried screaming out my dreadful story, as loud as possible, yet I seemed lost and things felt impossible. Even with my voice I felt in-audible.
I tried really hard to remember about the day, that went so wrong, but I had no clear memory of that dawn, nothing but pain that till date prolongs.
With a heavy heart I remember trying to reach out, to everyone in the crowd. But all I got was filthy stares and no one who really cared. Whenever I shared my darkest secret, all I got was mere looks of despair.
Yet, they asked me why would I keep it all to myself ?
I kept explaining and they kept questioning, it felt like a never ending story filled with judgement and misery.
What was really worse , were the questions that seemed so unfair and as time passed by, I would sit and wonder whether to feel shallow about them or the incident that happened to me, and all their talks would keep rewinding within me, until came a day when I decided to let it be and let my soul free. That’s the day I decided to keep it within me.

It’s really difficult to fix a broken soul, that has nothing but scars all over. It’s sad that even today, when incidents like rape or sexual harassment take place, people have questions so irrelevant, that doesn’t even solve the purpose nor does console the victim. No one can truly understand what the victim goes through. Part of their soul is taken away, and it will never heal completely. What’s really sad is the questions, like did you do something to provoke them ? Or were you wearing a dress too revealing ? Or did you give out mixed signals ? I don’t understand how are these questions even relevant to the situation. An assault is a process which doesn’t need any kind of provocation and what is even mixed signals, like no one wants to be damaged that way. People ask why did the victim not report or why did it take so long to come out? Well, we are not in their position to understand their situation, so it will be better if the passerby’s and the remaining people keep their creative minds to themselves. If you don’t have anything worth to say, better keep your irrelevant comments to yourself. In this way, there are others who genuinely want to help the victims, can come forward, and this way the victims can be surrounded with hope.

I know how it feels to be assaulted, but What I also know is keeping to yourselves won’t help you at all. The negative thoughts would kill you from inside , keeping your soul helpless to die. I know it takes away a major chuck of your soul, but trust me, leaving the accused out in the world would kill you even more. What happened cannot be forgivable and cannot be comparable, but what we can do about it, lies in our own hands. So all I can say to all those out there who were once a victim too, that keeping it to yourself will just elevate the pain, as there would be no one to share it with, but the day you rise above the pain, and share your thoughts, take an action to prove the accused guilty, trust me, that’s the day when your soul would take the first step towards healing.

Published by swatijena05

I want to bring in an impact in our society, to rise above superficial societal norms, to change people’s approach towards life. I want to inspire, and embrace change 🌸

4 thoughts on “This Is Why, I Kept It To Myself

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